


The trains

by thisismybrainrain



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Brotp, F/F, Other, POV Carmilla
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-05-02 12:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5248991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisismybrainrain/pseuds/thisismybrainrain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>4 times carmilla couldn't get on a train and the one time she did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The trains

1.

The first time you try to get on a train it is some forgotten century.  
You’ve blocked it out since that first moment. You’re travelling somewhere with Maman. You slip past her, Mattie, and Will and steal a car instead.

You taste sour in your mouth and you feel the walls squeezing at your insides.  
You step away from the platform and run. Mattie’s calling after you. You shake your heard. Pulling a pin from your pocket and off, you’re going to hotwire car. 

You disappear into a cloud of black smoke. 

You are off the edge of the map. 

You break into the pick up truck on the edge of a farm. 

You post the pile of cash in your pocket in an envelope with a sorry note to the Farmer and his family. You know it is a busted up banger but, you hate taking things from people without their consent. 

You understand this too deeply after being turned.

You were never meant to be the villain. 

You were always meant to be as light as the perfume your mother showed you how to apply to your skin the years before.

You still made up the same batches on the in between moments. 

Mattie helped you locate the ingredient’s in moments of flux:

Parts soil, a hint of chocolate and fading lavender – only a very light note - an echo of your mother on special days. It would drive you mad otherwise. 

 

This - all to mask the coopery smell that clings to your pale skin.

 

The very undoing of you: blood.

 

 

 

2\. 

The second time you’re trying to get to Silas. 

 

It’s simple. 

 

Your hands are aching from the white knuckled grip you have on the door handle of the room as your Maman shouts at you, ‘be a fucking vampire for once in your un dead years, Mircalla. Be the disgusting ‘it’ that you are.’ 

 

You poof to Silas. 

 

You miss the before and the horses and the air in your hair and lavender on your mothers neck.

Back when necks only supported the head. Weren’t some expectation for you to slide your teeth into them and drain.

 

Some nights; nights like tonight. You cried for your mother.

 

Toasting to the fuzzy memory of the fields of your childhood:  
You slosh blood bags one after the other, into a beaker and drink heavily till you escape into sleep.

 

3.

Mattie is shaking you awake and Spike is there also. 

 

They’re idiots when they’re together. 

 

They’re telling you that Ripper got into some bar fight in London and he’s in hospital with a broken collar bone and his state is under observation as he had a blow to the skull with a crowbar. 

 

The only way is the train or car or to tire yourself out for the third time this month.You focus on your insides drawing power to dissolve for nth time into smoke. 

 

The plant in the far corners starts to smoke.

 

Mattie squeezes your arm, ‘Careful, darling. Come on, we’ll go slow. Spike can drive.’

 

Spike smiles wide at you and waves his Mustang keys. You don’t care where they probably liberated it from. Right now you just want to feel safe again and make sure Ripper is okay. He’s always harping on about how punk never dies. So he better not die before you the punkass twit he was. You know his weak spot. It’s confirmed he got too blood thirsty and had forgotten to check the whole bar before he got into it with some random lout of a man.

 

4.

The sword is so far away. You drive instead. You take Maman’s car.

 

You risk your life again for Laura.

 

You chuckle: it’s not like you can die anyway, right?

 

5.

You have to get out. 

 

Everyone is leaving. 

 

Laura is crying. 

 

The library has shifted and the doors have opened.

 

There’s a train but, Laura knows you from the inside. 

 

She links your hand says, ‘it’s hardly Hogwarts but I’ve got my distraction plans for you, Miss Karnstein.’

You place your hand tight with yours. Careful not the break her fingers.  
You sit on the train seat. Where to? Only the train knows.

You’ll have calmed down enough to talk about what you’d like by the time you reach Vienna. 

You hope the train is like the library and knows your wants.

You don’t think you can face another four years like Silas for a while yet.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you, cole  
> i owe you so much for your giles x carm punk things  
> if you haven't read skeletonannie's btvs x carmilla crossover stuff. go now & read it. 
> 
> thank you to the creators of these characters  
> thank you to the the muses 
> 
> this is a prequel of sorts to centuries of brooding and blood


End file.
